Bob Monkhouse: The Last Stand

Setting:- June 1996: Blogger’s childhood living room. 

Three members of the family sit on a floral print sofa that wouldn't seem out of place on the back of Kensington-born Laurence Llwellyn Bowen, yet here in Watford, opposite the Mothercare factory, it appears a cushioned atrocity; a garden mounting a home invasion. The oldest child lies in front of the fire like a cat from the cold, roasting bourbon centres into mini chocolate fountains. Neighbours, an Australian daytime soap, has not long ended, finishing on a cliff-hanger so spell-binding that people would be within their rights to phone in sick so they could watch tomorrow’s early edition. (Lou Carpenter went to the doctors; it turned out it was just a common cold.) This is why the channel has stayed on One and the family are watching the news.

(Newsreader)

“And finally light entertainer Bob Monkhouse is appealing for the public to help him retrieve his stolen joke book. Yesterday, thieves broke into television centre and took the ledgers from a locked room. Monkhouse has promised £20,000 for their safe return.”

(Youngest son, who will go on to write a critically-acclaimed blog- if ‘Likes’ aren’t critique then what is?).

“Shouldn’t the public promise £20,000 to ensure it’s unsafe return?”

(Family fall about laughing, unaware that this boy will go on to try his hand at comedy, fail at it, then criticise people on TV without any degree of self-awareness, describing them as ‘unfit to hold his mic stand.)

The joke book was eventually returned to Monkhouse. (This fact doesn't seem like a compliment.)

For me- as a teenager without any sense of history- the only joke that Bob Monkhouse’s book could contain was a picture of the man himself. Experiencing him only on game shows I found him insincere and calculated. With his ironed suit and ironed face, he was the very antithesis of alternative comedy – no spit, all polish. Small talk with quiz show contestants is annoying but necessary: like the fantasy narratives of yore, we want to know the characters on the quest for gold. However in the hands of the light-entertainer it is face-in-a-grater excruciating. Even as a teenager I could see through the artifice of the conversation: the comic asks a question about the person’s job; the comic replies with a pre-prepared punch-line; the audience lap it up like it's the cat’s milk. I wasn’t a fan of Bob Monkhouse.

In 2003 Bob Monkhouse died following a battle with prostate cancer. I remember being surprised at the eulogies that greeted him. Comedians were queuing up to talk about his talent and influence. Is this the same Bob Monkhouse who appeared on BBC’s Wipeout, I thought? The answer was ‘No.’ Monkhouse was more than a quiz show host. At the start of his comedy career, he wrote for British icon, Max Miller, and American giant, Bob Hope. In demand because of his precision with language, Monkhouse was the pen that many voices turned to. For instance, Peter Sellers was annoying audiences with the avant-garde until Monkhouse whispered some stardust into his ears. Simply, Monkhouse was a man that had worked hard to be a comedian so knew the mechanics of it better than anyone else.

King of Quiz Shows.

This Boxing Day BBC4 screened Bob Monkhouse: The Last Stand. Hosted in an everyman pub, it was to be Monkhouse’s final gig. Aware that the end was nigh, Bob put on a performance for comedy friends and industry. This isn’t An Audience With Bob Monkhouse though; the comedians in the 2003 audience aren’t the rich and famous. Yes, David Walliams is there- but pre-fame. So too, Reece Shearsmith- but again League of Gentlemen was hardly mainstream. Rather the invited pack include industry nerds: Have I Got News For You writer, Kevin Day; comedy circuit stalwart, Adam Bloom and sketch comedy master, Fiona Allen.

The gig begins with a twenty-minute stand-up routine. Some of the jokes are a little end-of-pier; however there are some near the knuckle ones which may surprise you. (I’m from Kent… People keep reminding me of that whenever they see me walking down the road.) Perhaps his best offerings are ones on mortality. Last year Tig Notaro received praise for her bruising routine on breast cancer: diagnosed on the day, she stepped out and bared her soul to the audience. Being from an old tradition of joke first, sentiment later, Monkhouse is more glib with his illness, getting a laugh out of ‘faecal impaction’ and life's expiry date. Watching Bob move seamlessly through his one-liners, you can see his influence in Jimmy Carr: both high status comedians- more from the American than British tradition- who use language with a brevity that shows all good comedy is in the edit.

Contributors and the gig itself.

More revelatory though is when the show moves from stand-up into autobiography. Monkhouse opens up in this section of the show about his friendships and rivalries. Here, Benny Hill is re-cast from idiot misogynist into television visionary, seeing the potential for the medium by trialling the split-screen. Peter Sellers, on the other hand, isn’t so favourably spoken of: a man that would take help and not return it seems to be the damning epitaph.

 After this look behind the curtains, Monkhouse brings out a friend from behind it, Mike Yarwood who remains a virtual recluse. Once on Christmas Day, Yarwood’s impressions show got more viewers than Morecambe and Wise. People loved his take on the zeitgeist, gently skewering royals, politicians and entertainers, over a warm satirical fire. Yarwood, however, didn’t move with the times and the alternative comedy boom quickly put pay to his career. Falling into alcoholism and stage fright, he wasn’t able - or willing - to restart his comedy career. Talking with Monkhouse he is naturally funny, doing a more than passable impression of a comedian. Together their conversation is redolent of the kind Stuart Goldsmith’s Comedians Comedian Podcast specialises in, as it shines a torch on the darker sides of comedy.

Yarwood was doing impressions long before your dad.

The talking heads that end the show remind us that Monkhouse had a legacy beyond the quiz show. Despite being handsomely paid for hosting you get the sense that he would have been happier on the circuit with the comedians he cherished. His invitation to the younger generation could be seen as an act of humility- him passing on the baton- but maybe also a bid for approval, that despite the bronze tan and gold watch he could work the coalface too.

All in all, a thought-provoking hour of comedy that shows one man joking against the dying of the light.

Bob Monkhouse: The Last Stand is available on iPlayer.