1. People getting excited about
adverts.
2. The alarm clock on a Monday.
3. Broadchurch series 2 being a car crash … in slow motion.
4. The Victoria episode that consisted of Albert riding a steam train for an hour.
5. The Girl not changing the toilet roll, then when told about it continues to do it just for a laugh.
6. The Girl pinging the waistband on my pants, then when told not to do it continues to do it just for a laugh.
7. The Girl not emptying her Diet Coke cans properly, so when I go to do the recycling I get flotsam and jetsam all over me. Then when told about it continues to …
8. The Girl forgetting to take the Nectar card shopping then …
9. Forgetting to take the big bags shopping. I’m meant to be saving for a house, instead I’m pissing 5p up the wall.
10. The very real worry that I don’t make the best cup of tea.
11. My laissez-faire attitude to administration.
12. Michael Gove, former Education Secretary, saying that people have had enough of experts.
13. Worrying about myself more than others.
14. The death of David Bowie.
15. The death of Caroline Aherne.
16. The death of Victoria Wood.
17. The death of (your favourite celebrity).
18. Bands that don’t put lyrics in their inlay.
19. Not having enough time to do my job to the best standard.
20. Feeling sometimes that my career isn’t for me, but then having no idea of what else is.
21. The house move falling through.
22. The fact that my laptop is so fucked that only I can operate it.
23. The goalscoring form of Odion Ighalo.
24. Daniel Kitson’s obstinacy towards physical release.
25. Good friends having shit thrown at them.
26. The toilet in my department always being occupied. I’m supposed to be a receptacle of learning, not a repository of piss.
27. The amount of ‘Likes’ pictures of The Girl and me get in comparison to the blog I write. (Hours I spend toiling over a comma and then her gorgeous face comes along and renders it all redundant.)
28. Having to circle the block for a parking space after 9. (A man of my calibre should have a reserved space marked ‘King.’)
29. Feeling sympathy for The Royal Family after watching The Crown.
30. Birthday cards being designed by idiots that add a ‘t’ to 'wit.'
31. Bars putting ice cubes in my drink. I don’t need my water watered down.
32. My shame in not going on strike this year. (I’ve been on every other teacher strike.)
33. Despite believing in his politics, Jeremy Corbyn is unelectable.
34. The British public’s sadomasochistic relationship with the Tory party. Whip me harder, Theresa!
35. The Boris Johnson joke has gone too far.
36. The Nigel Farage joke has gone too far.
37. Donald Trump was never a joke – it had already gone too far when his parents discussed having a baby.
38. The picture of Farage and Trump in a lift. Political hope: going down.
39. The Tories moaning about the validity of union elections, despite their own leader being chosen in a cakewalk.
40. Having a two day hangover after an hour on the lash.
41. The continued presence of Greg Wallace.
42. The ubiquity of Beverly Knight.
43. The omnipresence of superhero films.
44. The arm and the leg it costs to go to Vue cinema.
45. I should be writing something more substantial but I don’t have the motivation to do so.
46. The fact No, I can’t is my political slogan.
47. The way I treat books as something to be completed rather than a thing to be enjoyed.
48. Only listening to celebrities on Desert Island Discs, ignoring the charity worker ones because I’ve never heard of them.
49. Not drinking enough during a school day. Keep hydrated kids!
50. Buying clothes for comfort as opposed to style.
51. Seeing flecks of grey in my beard.
52. Not being able to turn my passion inside out.
53. Being constantly cold.
54. Feeling like I’m growing apart from people I like, trust and admire.
55. Preferring silence to small talk. (Sometimes friendships are born out of small talk, so maybe I should be less prejudiced towards it.)
56. Reading the ‘culture’ and ‘sport’ articles, then checking the news ‘headlines.’
57. Wishing time away.
58. Taking the phone to the toilet when I should be bringing a paperback.
59. Saying ‘the pictures’ and ‘records’ to appear as if I’m above the 21st century.
60. Being constantly disappointed with my teaching when in reality I do a fairly decent job most of the time.
61. Forgetting that other people in other jobs work incredibly hard too.
62. Not learning my lesson with Booker Prize Winners. (They always disappoint.)
63. I still haven’t been to the ballet. Watched a documentary on The Nutcracker and it seemed incredible.
64. Not making enough time to listen to music.
65. Still spending too long on the Internet.
66. I could offer to help my colleagues more than I do.
67. Having a curriculum that doesn’t appreciate good books were written after the 19th century.
68. Chelsea’s dominance in the Premier League.
69. The England national team. It’s the hope that will kill me.
70. Laura Kenny not winning Sports Personality of the Year. 4 gold medals!
71. America taking one giant leap for mankind - backwards.
72. People not understanding what ‘refugee’ means.
73. A corrupt media that punches down.
74. My hair experiencing years of negative economic growth. Ladies and gentlemen, my hairline is a Great Depression.
75. People putting their phone before the person sitting next to them.
76. Letting Shakespeare down when I teach him.
77. Falling asleep when I would like to read.
78. Watford always being last on Match of the Day. (This isn’t a Gary Lineker led conspiracy; we often play poorly and deserve the Alan Partridge slot.)
79. Obama leaving The White House. Whatever your opinion on his Foreign Policy, the man was smart and articulate.
80. How a controversy can become a storm because of the Internet.
81. The Beach Boys considering playing Trump’s inauguration.
82. Rich actors who do adverts. (George Clooney, don’t hide behind your Human Rights lawyer wife. Look at me when I’m talking to you.)
83. The ‘Breaking Point’ banner.
84. Adults thinking it’s cute to behave like children.
85. David Cameron rolling the dice on a game he didn’t stick around to play.
86. Being in the shape of my life and yet coming 456th in a 10k run.
87. The Left branding everyone who disagrees with them a racist, which only makes them more likely to be racist.
88. People who reduce difficult political situations into a pithy sentence.
89. Being inept with practical tasks despite wanting to be good at them.
90. Kanye West making it hard for me to defend him.
91. Morrissey making it hard for me to defend him.
92. Ore winning Strictly. (He never danced in his life. Not at a disco. Not at a wedding. Not in front of the mirror to his favourite song. He never danced ever. He never danced, ok.)
93. Paul Hollywood letting down his comrades.
94. My puritanical stance on downloading preventing me from watching Westworld, Mid Morning Matters and The Affair.
95. Looking down on everyone. (This is more of a height thing.)
96. Not eating as many biscuits as I would like.
97. Having a manana attitude to running.
98. Not going to the pub as much as I would like.
99. Worrying about going back to work during my holidays.
100. Trump becomes President next month. This does not bode well for 2017.
2. The alarm clock on a Monday.
3. Broadchurch series 2 being a car crash … in slow motion.
4. The Victoria episode that consisted of Albert riding a steam train for an hour.
5. The Girl not changing the toilet roll, then when told about it continues to do it just for a laugh.
6. The Girl pinging the waistband on my pants, then when told not to do it continues to do it just for a laugh.
7. The Girl not emptying her Diet Coke cans properly, so when I go to do the recycling I get flotsam and jetsam all over me. Then when told about it continues to …
8. The Girl forgetting to take the Nectar card shopping then …
9. Forgetting to take the big bags shopping. I’m meant to be saving for a house, instead I’m pissing 5p up the wall.
10. The very real worry that I don’t make the best cup of tea.
11. My laissez-faire attitude to administration.
12. Michael Gove, former Education Secretary, saying that people have had enough of experts.
13. Worrying about myself more than others.
14. The death of David Bowie.
15. The death of Caroline Aherne.
16. The death of Victoria Wood.
17. The death of (your favourite celebrity).
18. Bands that don’t put lyrics in their inlay.
19. Not having enough time to do my job to the best standard.
20. Feeling sometimes that my career isn’t for me, but then having no idea of what else is.
21. The house move falling through.
22. The fact that my laptop is so fucked that only I can operate it.
23. The goalscoring form of Odion Ighalo.
24. Daniel Kitson’s obstinacy towards physical release.
25. Good friends having shit thrown at them.
26. The toilet in my department always being occupied. I’m supposed to be a receptacle of learning, not a repository of piss.
27. The amount of ‘Likes’ pictures of The Girl and me get in comparison to the blog I write. (Hours I spend toiling over a comma and then her gorgeous face comes along and renders it all redundant.)
28. Having to circle the block for a parking space after 9. (A man of my calibre should have a reserved space marked ‘King.’)
29. Feeling sympathy for The Royal Family after watching The Crown.
30. Birthday cards being designed by idiots that add a ‘t’ to 'wit.'
31. Bars putting ice cubes in my drink. I don’t need my water watered down.
32. My shame in not going on strike this year. (I’ve been on every other teacher strike.)
33. Despite believing in his politics, Jeremy Corbyn is unelectable.
34. The British public’s sadomasochistic relationship with the Tory party. Whip me harder, Theresa!
35. The Boris Johnson joke has gone too far.
36. The Nigel Farage joke has gone too far.
37. Donald Trump was never a joke – it had already gone too far when his parents discussed having a baby.
38. The picture of Farage and Trump in a lift. Political hope: going down.
39. The Tories moaning about the validity of union elections, despite their own leader being chosen in a cakewalk.
40. Having a two day hangover after an hour on the lash.
41. The continued presence of Greg Wallace.
42. The ubiquity of Beverly Knight.
43. The omnipresence of superhero films.
44. The arm and the leg it costs to go to Vue cinema.
45. I should be writing something more substantial but I don’t have the motivation to do so.
46. The fact No, I can’t is my political slogan.
47. The way I treat books as something to be completed rather than a thing to be enjoyed.
48. Only listening to celebrities on Desert Island Discs, ignoring the charity worker ones because I’ve never heard of them.
49. Not drinking enough during a school day. Keep hydrated kids!
50. Buying clothes for comfort as opposed to style.
51. Seeing flecks of grey in my beard.
52. Not being able to turn my passion inside out.
53. Being constantly cold.
54. Feeling like I’m growing apart from people I like, trust and admire.
55. Preferring silence to small talk. (Sometimes friendships are born out of small talk, so maybe I should be less prejudiced towards it.)
56. Reading the ‘culture’ and ‘sport’ articles, then checking the news ‘headlines.’
57. Wishing time away.
58. Taking the phone to the toilet when I should be bringing a paperback.
59. Saying ‘the pictures’ and ‘records’ to appear as if I’m above the 21st century.
60. Being constantly disappointed with my teaching when in reality I do a fairly decent job most of the time.
61. Forgetting that other people in other jobs work incredibly hard too.
62. Not learning my lesson with Booker Prize Winners. (They always disappoint.)
63. I still haven’t been to the ballet. Watched a documentary on The Nutcracker and it seemed incredible.
64. Not making enough time to listen to music.
65. Still spending too long on the Internet.
66. I could offer to help my colleagues more than I do.
67. Having a curriculum that doesn’t appreciate good books were written after the 19th century.
68. Chelsea’s dominance in the Premier League.
69. The England national team. It’s the hope that will kill me.
70. Laura Kenny not winning Sports Personality of the Year. 4 gold medals!
71. America taking one giant leap for mankind - backwards.
72. People not understanding what ‘refugee’ means.
73. A corrupt media that punches down.
74. My hair experiencing years of negative economic growth. Ladies and gentlemen, my hairline is a Great Depression.
75. People putting their phone before the person sitting next to them.
76. Letting Shakespeare down when I teach him.
77. Falling asleep when I would like to read.
78. Watford always being last on Match of the Day. (This isn’t a Gary Lineker led conspiracy; we often play poorly and deserve the Alan Partridge slot.)
79. Obama leaving The White House. Whatever your opinion on his Foreign Policy, the man was smart and articulate.
80. How a controversy can become a storm because of the Internet.
81. The Beach Boys considering playing Trump’s inauguration.
82. Rich actors who do adverts. (George Clooney, don’t hide behind your Human Rights lawyer wife. Look at me when I’m talking to you.)
83. The ‘Breaking Point’ banner.
84. Adults thinking it’s cute to behave like children.
85. David Cameron rolling the dice on a game he didn’t stick around to play.
86. Being in the shape of my life and yet coming 456th in a 10k run.
87. The Left branding everyone who disagrees with them a racist, which only makes them more likely to be racist.
88. People who reduce difficult political situations into a pithy sentence.
89. Being inept with practical tasks despite wanting to be good at them.
90. Kanye West making it hard for me to defend him.
91. Morrissey making it hard for me to defend him.
92. Ore winning Strictly. (He never danced in his life. Not at a disco. Not at a wedding. Not in front of the mirror to his favourite song. He never danced ever. He never danced, ok.)
93. Paul Hollywood letting down his comrades.
94. My puritanical stance on downloading preventing me from watching Westworld, Mid Morning Matters and The Affair.
95. Looking down on everyone. (This is more of a height thing.)
96. Not eating as many biscuits as I would like.
97. Having a manana attitude to running.
98. Not going to the pub as much as I would like.
99. Worrying about going back to work during my holidays.
100. Trump becomes President next month. This does not bode well for 2017.
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