Reasons to be (un)cheerful

1.     Donald Trump takes office.

2.     North Korea threatens to hit the red button.

3.     The UK hit the red button, triggering Article 50.

4.     Theresa May’s inauguration speech on ‘fairness’ seems like a distant memory.

5.     If you should ever run into trouble abroad, Boris Johnson is the man responsible for your well-being.

6.     Michael Gove coming in from the cold.

7.     Labour should be doing so much better.

8.     I still worry about myself more than others.

9.     When I was in Sri Lanka I said to a relative, “The country is a lot more advanced than I thought.’ Like an Eton colonialist.

10. Watford throwing away goals in the last minute.

11.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever be the teacher I want to be.

12.  Reading Adam Kay’s brilliant ‘This Is Going To Hurt’ and thinking if the public can’t get behind doctors, then the rest off us haven’t got a chance.

13.  Marco Silva peacocking Everton.

14.  British managers moaning they don’t get a chance.

15.  BANTER!

16.  The term ‘virtue signaling.’ (Some good deeds need promoting, otherwise others wouldn’t do them.)

17.  Dan Walker.

18.  The fact that Mike on BBC Breakfast is the best sports reporter, but barely gets a run out.

19.  I’ve become desensitized to the Gilmore Girls intro music. I should still be raging against it.

20.  I’m still guilty of over-writing.

21.  Despite attending a DIY course, I’m a Nick Knowles and the team waiting to happen.

22.  The Girl buying reduced salt ketchup – it was an abomination.

23.  I should spend my time on the loo reading a book as opposed to being on Twitter.

24.  When on the john Donald Trump should be concentrating on defecating as opposed to grandstanding.

25.  Politicians really should stop tweeting.

26.  My laptop is in such a sorry state that only I can now operate it.

27.  I see new challenges as mountains, as opposed to hurdles.

28.  I just don’t get Christopher Nolan films.

29.  I don’t savour books; I complete them.

30.  I’m so behind with music. The Pitchfork Top 100 looks hieroglyphic to me.

31.  Adults doing high-fives to each other. Have some self-respect.

32. Adults high-fiving children. Do you want some bamboo to go with that pandering?

33.  I see mistakes as calamities.

34.   The demise of Troy Deeney.

35.   Powerful men thinking they’re above the law.

36.   Good people in hospital.

37.   My warm-down at the end of a run is now longer than the run itself.

38.   My stomach doing gymnastics in Sri Lanka.

39.   My love of tea is fading. Down to a cup a day now.

40.   Not seeing friends as much as I would like.

41.   Wasting time.

42.   Living for the weekend. (Like Hard-Fi.)

43.  Working for the cash machine. (Like Hard-Fi.)

44.  Being creatively redundant (Like …)

45.   X Factor is still going.

46.   Citizen Kane is still in its cellophane from 2010.

47.   The New Years Honours List.

48.   Amir Khan in the jungle.

49.   The end of detectorists.

50.   My knotty stomach means I can no longer eat like I’m on a midnight feast.

51.   I wouldn’t know how to work the boiler if The Girl wasn’t here. (I don’t want to be one of those men.)

52.   I’ve been having a cheese roll at work for two years now. Being frugal has its downsides.

53.   I used to leave conversations thinking, ‘They could have done better there.’ Now I leave them thinking: ‘I’m to blame for that not going so well.’

54.   Sometimes saying anything is better than saying nothing.

55.   I don’t always get my personality across at work, which is a shame because on a good day I’m scintillating.

56.   Kind people who are hurting.

57.   I live my life relieved nothing bad has happened.

58.   I need to go and watch more live music.

59.   I sometimes forget that most students are lovely.

60.   My descent into baldness is unavoidable.

61.  There is now video evidence that I can’t dance.

62.   A few years in and I still haven’t finished those short stories.

63.   The end of Broadchurch series 3.

64.  Martin Freeman doing Vodafone adverts. (Tim Canterbury would raise his eye brows.)

65.   How Sherlock put style before substance.

66.   Watching ‘I, Daniel Blake’ and remembering it’s set in modern England.

67.   Getting to the bottom of a bottle of Bailey’s.

68.   The Girl putting empty wrappers back in the box.

69.   Brexit news coverage.

70.   The buffet season is over.

71.    Being disappointed by Wuthering Heights. (I’m not saying I could do better, but I just felt Kate Bush’s version was better.)

72.   Taking a chance at a restaurant. (Always play safe – there’s too much money at stake.)

73.   I’m concerned I’m going to be that Brando speech: “I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody.”

74.   Me leaving a chair in a slightly different position to prove I’ve vacuumed. (What do I want a medal?)

75.   Feeling cold all of the time. (I’m going to take a Joey Tribbiani ‘could I be wearing any more clothes?’ approach to old age.)

76.   I take Mark Kermode’s word as Gospel on films. Sometimes second opinions are available.

77.   People who take deliberately contradictory positions. (If you think Paddington 2 is rubbish, you’re an attention-seeking liar.)

78.   My admin skills leave a lot to be desired.

79.   I built on my half-marathon success by not running for two months.

80.   Forgetting to buy biscuits. What’s a brew without them?

81.   Leon from Gogglebox dying. Him and June were an advert for domestic bliss.

82.   It took me so long to get into Spaced, League of Gentlemen, Alan Partridge: I should have just listened to my mates all those years ago.

83.   Being too tired to read.

84.   Feeling like work is a treadmill with no ‘stop’ button.

85.   People talking to each other less. The screen has become king.

86.   Prince Phillip’s racism being spun as ‘old man joshing.’

87.   I think The Girl supports me more than I do her.

88.   James Corden’s laugh.

89.   People who write cliffhanger statuses on Facebook. (I can’t believe this just happened.) Don’t make people unnecessarily worry about you.

90.   Ticket prices at football. Families are priced out.

91.   Watching Gilmore Girls and realising that I could have done so much more with my university experience.

92.   Watching Battle of the Sexes and thinking, “John Inverdale still says this kind of shit.”

93.   The façade of my shopping centre needs some Betjeman ‘friendly bombs’ to rain down on it.

94.   Families not watching tele together.

95.  People who say they don’t have a tele as if that’s a good thing. Television has never been better.

96.   Forgetting how lucky I am.

97.   Twitter doubling its character length = more Trump.

98.   Aung San Suu Kyi going from hero to villain.

99.   It’s 35 years until I can retire, where I can then volunteer in the library – if they still exist.

100.      My computer can no longer copy and paste normally. I have to ‘paste special’ into word, then copy it onto a powerpoint from there. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but to a teacher who uses Google images constantly this is the worst thing of the year.