Isolation Diary: Week 2

Saturday 28^th March

Today was my mum’s birthday so I called her this morning to wish her well. We’d already sent her card in advance, so all that was left was to e-mail over her present: two tickets to see The Hairy Bikers in November. My mum was over the moon. My dad now hopes lockdown will last until December.

In the evening we watched Pointless Celebrities. Despite being recorded months ago before the outbreak, a perverse twist of fate occurred. Fans of the show will know that whenever two sets of contestants score the same points the round goes into ‘Lockdown’ – which means a tie-break scenario. This happened twice today. So host Alexander Armstrong turned to us the audience and went, ‘We’re in a lockdown situation, guys.’ It was as though Armstrong had morphed into a soothsayer, predictor of the nation’s doom, harbinger of our isolated present. I’m going to listen to quiz show hosts more from now on. Stephen Mulhern from Catchphrase probably knows more about the virus than Boris.

Before bed we watched Stronger on BBC2. A moving film that follows a survivor’s recovery from the Boston marathon bombing. Jake Gyllenhaal was terrific in the lead role, and Blackadder’s Miranda Richardson was brilliant as his tough talking mother.

Sunday 29^th March

After doing some work – yep, God rests on Sunday, but teachers don’t- we sat down for a Sunday afternoon movie. A few months ago I bought It Happened One Night because the 1934 picture is seen as the first great romantic comedy. I like a romcom. My favourites are the old ones: The Apartment, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Casablanca, but I enjoy a Richard Curtis too. The plot of It Happened involves a rich heiress (Claudette Colbert) on the run from her father. Her father disapproving of her recent marriage, believing the suitor to be a fortune-hunter, wants to annul it. Whilst riding the bus, she meets the journalist Peter Warne (Clarke Gable) whom promises to protect her identity in return for her exclusive story. It is one of three films in Oscar history to win the five main prizes: actor, actress, director, picture, screenplay – a well done for anyone who can name the other two. It's a pretty good film, but it has dated.

Monday 30^th March

Today I went to the shops for the first time in a week. Sainsbury’s is doing the old social distancing now, which meant I had to get in line to get in. Like a marginalised spy, I was out in the cold. The last time I queued outside for anything was when I was 11 and me my friend Anthony went to Earls Court to queue for wrestling tickets. Fortunately when I got inside Saino's there was no grappling for fruit and veg; nor did I have to drop the elbow on anyone for some pasta sauce. Even got a packet of loo roll. When I got home, I climbed the stairs like a turnbuckle raising the rolls aloft as though they were a championship belt.

Watched Only Connect final. Got one question right. This is better than I normally do. Went to bed feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Tuesday 31^st March

Started reading Stephen King’s Misery. With a baby on the way it’s likely I won’t read a book again until 2040, so I thought I’d try and get in a few reads before they arrive. I finished a Pulitzer Prize winning novel at the weekend, Olive Kitteridge, which meant I was in need of a page turner, an aperitif, to follow what had been a substantial meal. The book concerns a writer that's been kidnapped by a fan. She is not at all happy that he’s killed off her favourite character, Misery, and as a consequence forces him to write a new novel where he raises her from the grave. So anyone who is over-zealous with ‘liking’ this blog post expect a restraining order– you can never be too careful.

Wednesday 1^st April

After finishing work, I sat down for an afternoon movie with The Girl. Today she went for A Quiet Place. Neither of us are big fans of horror. I can count on one hand the amount I’ve seen. She can count on one finger. But it was an afternoon of open blinds and comforting sunlight. The environment was safe and would surely cocoon us from the chills. As it turned out, the film was the right level of scary. Some good jumps but nothing too horrific. For those of you who haven’t seen it, it concerns a family living in the middle of a crisis. Something has gone seriously wrong with the world. A malevolent force stalks the earth with bat-like powers of detection. If something makes a sound, the creatures seize on it. So it’s important you stay really, really, quiet. The trouble is the Emily Blunt character is expecting. Obviously the rhythm method failed because this circumstance is far from ideal. Therefore she has to try and have a baby without making a sound. I looked at my pregnant wife during this scene with sympathy. Fortunately, ‘Scientology’ isn’t on her birthing plan so she can use as many capitals, exclamation and asterisks as she likes. It’s safe to say the film isn’t promoting silent births as the way forward, just necessary if you’re trying to keep murderous aliens at bay.

Thursday 2^nd April

In the evening we went on Zoom and did a pub quiz with our parents. Readers of last week’s blog will now that my wife is a fan of a quiz. This week she’s gone a step further and created her own. Three teams (my folks, her folks and us) were given two rounds each to compile. We drew Sport and TV. Our sport round was classic theme tunes to sporting programmes and our TV round involved us acting out moments from British television. So over the internet I had to play Den serving Ange the divorce papers; Basil Fawlty not mentioning the war; Del Boy falling through a bar; and Villenelle’s minder in Klling Eve. As someone who has the acting range of a front doorstep, I worried for the competitors. Fortunately, the lines were so iconic they guessed correctly.

At 8 we broke to applaud the NHS. My mum works in a hospice and has continued to care for people during the outbreak. It was so moving to see my street outside applauding people who do vital work. Normally applause is reserved for entertainers: performers and athletes. To see public servants get the same treatment was really something. It’s important when this all ends we remember to show our appreciation in the ballot box.

The quiz concluded after the applause break with my wife and I sitting in last. (My dad did really hard questions on Science and Nature; I think he was aiming them at Professor Brian Cox and that bald chap whose been telling us to stay in.)

Friday 3^rd April

Today we made the baby’s bedside cot. I’m terrible at DIY. I can’t visualise how things are meant to look. I often leave all building and renovation projections to my wife, failing that her dad or my dad. As soon as I pick up a power drill, A&E are alerted to prepare a bed. But I did want to build my child’s cot. With only 95% assistance, I built the whole thing myself. With its sturdy frame and foam mattress, the little one has a bed that’s better than ours.

Before our walk we finished watching Sunderland ‘Til We Die, a Netflix documentary charting the fall and fall of Sunderland football club. Their nickname ‘The Black Cats’ is ironic as they come. Never has a team been so unlucky in a single season. It makes for great drama though.

Later, we watched Ingrid Goes West. An independent picture starring Aubrey Plaza, better known as playing April in the great US sitcom, Parks and Recreation. The film is about a young woman who becomes obsessed with an Instagram influencer, so much so she ups sticks and heads west to inveigle herself in her life. If you like Netflix’s You, then you’ll enjoy this -it’s more realistic and profound.

Saturday 4^th April.

Went for a run. Finished Misery. Wrote this. Got to the final paragraph. Wrote the penultimate sentence. Ended it with this full stop.